Last week I had the privilege and pleasure (accent on the last word there) of speaking with renowned sexologist and thought leader of intimacy and sexuality, Zoë Kors. I wish I could say I read her book when it came out two years ago, Radical Intimacy: Cultivate the Deeply Connected Relationships You Desire and Deserve (Hachette, 2022), but I didn’t. I tossed it in the pile of books that I intend to read before I die but deep down, I know I never will. And there it sat, atop Tears and Laughter by Khalil Gibran and The Joke by Milan Kundera. At least Zoë was in good company.
It wasn’t until I started seeing myself differently in the mirror…
Me: Oh hey. You look like shit.
My Reflection: No, YOU think you look like shit, but in reality, you look fucking great for your age.
Me: Fuck off.
My Reflection: You are what you think you are. And I think you are sexy.
Me: Well, I don’t think YOU are sexy.
My Reflection: Let’s agree to disagree.
…that I picked up her book to start finding some answers to what the next twenty-five years was going to be like for my brain and body and desire and all the things that make-up an intimate relationship with myself ANNNNNnnnnnnd my partner.
Zoë is a phenom. It’s like she was reading my mind and also, mentoring me on things that I didn’t know I needed to understand about sex in general and what sex can look like when we stop finding things sexy. (Take that for whatever that means to YOU.) When I finished the book, I just had to ask if she would do a podcast with me to touch upon a couple of the things that stuck out for me and those of us who might be trying to understand who we are when it feels like our bodies are betraying us. But really, isn’t that ALL of us??
Podcast Take-Aways:
1.) The Mind-Body Double Helix - Just like My Reflection said, “You are what you think you are.” But in Zoë’s words, “True healing and transformation happens through reorganizing and rewriting the ideas and stories we perpetuate about our sexuality, while simultaneously working with the Boyd to shift the way we experience sensation and pleasure.”
2.) On Sex & Aging - The necessity to resist the temptation to compare the way your body looks and functions to the way it did in the past and approach your body with respect and compassion. (I might add, a LOT of compassion.)
3.) Desire vs. Arousal - Desire is an urge or hunger for sex whereas, arousal is the physical manifestation of sexual response. The two can occur simultaneously, in any order, and sometimes independent of each other. And guess what, it’s fine if you don’t have either! You can still be sexual. (That one blew my mind.)
3.) Coconut Oil - It isn’t just for cooking. I’ll leave that there.
So, this week I share with ALL of you, this podcast with Zoë and I chatting, but most importantly, laughing, about all things SEX.
Enjoy. I mean that. *wink
In Laughter,
LStL
p.s. I’m starting to release video versions of my podcasts on my YouTube channel. You can check this one out via video HERE !
p.p.s. You can find Zoë Kors HERE. She does group coachings, couples’ coachings, and individual coachings on overcoming obstacles with intimacy.
Disclaimer: This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional.
Episode #7: Sexology 101